Sober Living Stories

The Vibrancy of Alcohol-Free Living: Marci Rossi's Story of Intentional Sobriety

• Jessica Stipanovic • Season 1 • Episode 26

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Have you ever realized that a seemingly harmless habit has taken over your life?

Marci Rossi's relatable sobriety story unfolds as she details her transformative journey from drinking culture to a life of joy and intention.  As I sit down with this inspiring coach, we unwrap the complexities of alcohol dependency that hides behind success and achievement. This issue resonates with many who struggle in silence.

With Marci's narrative as our backdrop, we venture into the realities of addiction and the allure of control it promises.  She opens up about the personal battle with alcohol that stayed behind closed doors of her high-functioning exterior, and how breaking free led her to find her true calling in guiding others. Our conversation explores alternative pathways to recovery, emphasizing the life-altering impact of personalized coaching over traditional rehab methods. Her insights offer hope and strategies for sober curious women who desire to transform their relationship with alcohol.

This episode is not just about overcoming alcoholism; it's a way out for those seeking a vibrant, alcohol-free lifestyle. Marci shares practical tips for embracing social situations without alcohol and the freedom that follows no longer being under the influence.  She underlines the importance of dismantling the pervasive 'mommy wine culture' and taking responsibility for life choices. 

Listen in and let Marci Rossi's sobriety story inspire your path to freedom with an alcohol-free lifestyle.

 Marci Rossi is a 4x certified success coach who helps people redefine their relationship with alcohol. Once a near-daily drinker, Marci has completely reframed her perspective on alcohol so that she no longer desires it, and now she helps others do the same. She is passionate about continually learning and offering science-backed strategies so that her clients get the best results. To learn more about Marci and how she might be able to help, visit https://www.marcirossi.com/ where you can grab a FREE guide of the 5 Things To Do BEFORE You Quit Drinking or on IG @CoachMarciRossi. 

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Your story matters.

Speaker 1:

Her problems weren't bad enough to require rehab. Sure, she was drinking just about every single night, but was still getting promoted at work, her relationships were fine and she wasn't getting into legal trouble. Yet my next guest, marsha Rossi, eventually came to realize that life without alcohol was not only possible, but indefinitely more joyful and fulfilling than she could have ever imagined. Welcome to the Sober Living Stories podcast. This podcast is dedicated to sharing stories of sobriety. We shine a spotlight on individuals who have faced the challenges of alcoholism and addiction and are today living out their best lives sober. Each guest has experienced incredible transformation and are here to share their story with you. I'm Jessica Stepanovic, your host. Join me each week as guests from all walks of life share their stories to inspire and provide hope to those who need it most. Welcome to another episode of the Sober Living Stories podcast.

Speaker 1:

Meet Marci Rossi. She's a four time certified coach dedicated to empowering women to redefine their relationship with alcohol and achieve success in their lives. Listen in today as she shares part of her personal story about how she got from there to here. Hey, marci, how are you? Thank you so much for being on the show today. I'm great. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to hear. What intrigued me about your story is the very beginning of you not requiring the normal characteristics of somebody who suffers from the disease of alcoholism. That's a self-diagnosed. But you said you know you didn't require rehab. There was no changes in your work life. You know you were still getting promoted, your relationships were okay, but you decided anyway to pursue a life without alcohol and had really incredible results. So take us from as far back as you want to go to the present day of why you're serving women today.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, yeah, certainly. So let me just preface this by saying that I had absolutely no idea that this was where I was going to end up. This was not something that has been on my plan from the beginning. Quitting drinking in general was something that was just brand new to me, because I have always kind of seen alcohol as like a necessary component of life, right. So I'm Italian by heritage and growing up my grandfather made his own wine, like through his own grapes, made his own wine, and so you know, as kids they would put kind of like a drop in our wine glass and then fill it up with Sprite. So it was basically this like light, pink liquid just to kind of give us a taste of alcohol. I guess the idea was to kind of acclimate ourselves to alcohol so that we would grow to appreciate the taste, and I can remember just being terrible, even just like a little drop in the glass was just change the Sprite, you ruin the Sprite, right. But at the same time we felt so grown up, right. So here were the adults and they're having their wine, and even some of the adults would mix it with Sprite. So I felt like we were kind of part of the club and I was like the middle-aged cousin and so I had several that were older than me and it made me feel more like I was fitting in with that. So that was kind of my first taste of alcohol.

Speaker 2:

But I don't normally think of that when I think about starting drinking. I think about being 16, being the straight A student, the kid who never got in trouble. You know, my brothers were a lot more of a handful. They struggled in school, they struggled behaviorally, and so I this was kind of my way to rebel. I was doing everything right and this was kind of my secret way to rebel. And so, you know, my friends and I would sneak drinks from our parents' liquor cabinets and I would, you know, talk back off with water and blame it on my brothers if I ever got in trouble, and who wouldn't believe me, right Cause I was a straight A student that never got in trouble. So it wasn't that we were drinking that that often. Obviously we couldn't. We couldn't just go out and buy alcohol from the store or anywhere. I would just kind of do it every once in a while and we got bored. You know, it's teenagers are looking for some excitement in their life.

Speaker 2:

And then I went to college. I went to one of the most Greek universities in the country and it was also one of the most affluent universities in the country. So party culture was very strong and they had a lot of money to have these kinds of insane parties, Right? So there were fraternities that would rent charter buses that would drive kids to and from the bars, that you wouldn't have to take an Uber or whatever. So it made drinking just really easy to do. There was alcohol everywhere, you wouldn't have to worry about getting home and, and it was just part of the culture there. So I would be drinking, you know, thursday through Sunday, but that's what everybody else was doing, right, everybody was drinking this much. So I wasn't. I wasn't any different.

Speaker 2:

It wasn't until I went to study abroad in my junior year in Australia, which was really incredible. But it was also the first time in my life that I experienced depression. So it got to the point where I was hiding a box of wine under my desk and I was drinking, I would say all day, every day. What I was doing was I was going to class, but then when I was back at home, I was drinking and I kept it really hidden, and this is a theme that kind of went throughout my life. I knew that there was a problem. I knew it wasn't normal to drink boxed wine all day, every day, while watching Dawson's Creek at the time.

Speaker 2:

But I didn't know how else to cope with this. I was in a foreign country, I didn't have my doctors, I didn't have medication. This was just me trying to take care of myself and it was the best I could do at the time. So that lasted for a little while. When I got back to the States I got on some antidepressants and was able to kind of move that drinking level back up to normal. Quote, unquote, right. So you know, fridays and Saturdays, occasionally another night during the week, but just what I would, what seemed to me like what everybody else was doing. And then again I had a couple other bouts of depression and the same thing would happen, where I would be using alcohol all day, every day, just to cope, just to make the time pass, to make it all bearable. Um, it was. It wasn't. When I say bearable, it wasn't making things better, it was just making me care less that they weren't better, right.

Speaker 1:

So it wasn't solving my problems.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's just, that's the thing is, and I knew this. The thing is, it's so funny when we have these beliefs and we know this is not working for us, and yet we do it anyway. It was just the best tools that I had and for me, caring less about the pain was better than dealing with the pain. Everything else felt too hard, which is just. It was just a false belief that I had in my head. Like I knew I I love to dive into, to health and research and this sort of thing. So I knew that alcohol wasn't making my depression better and in fact, was probably making it worse, but I just didn't know what else to do. It just felt like the only answer at the time. Like antidepressants take a long time to work. Exercise is hard when you feel like crap, when you have no energy. Everything else felt impossible and it takes almost no effort to drink, or at least that's the way I interpreted it. So again, it would skyrocket, sorry.

Speaker 1:

Go ahead. Yeah, I know you hit a couple of good points just then. You said doing it by yourself. I thought of the word isolation, like you know. When we do something like that, it just kind of closes our world Right. And and you use the word cope, you know, and I, I too, can relate to thinking that alcohol was helping my depression when in turn, it was actually worsening it. But I didn't know that until I I changed it, you know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, those are. Those are two points. Actually, I want to expand on both of those. I think that's. That's really fantastic. You pointed those out.

Speaker 2:

The isolation you know, for a lot of my life I was living alone, so it was just me and my dog, Um, and so I was very isolated. But alcohol made me more isolated. Right, I wasn't going to go drive somewhere after I was drinking. I was probably too tired and not feeling great and obviously you know it was a be against the law at some point for me to get out on the road at that point. So it kept me isolated. But even when I got married, even when I was living full time with my husband, I was so embarrassed by how much I needed alcohol that I was hiding it, right, so I was sneaking vodka into my sparkling water bottles or hiding empty bottles in my dressers that he wouldn't see them piling up in the recycling bin. Right, so I was even living with someone. I was isolating myself further because I just felt so embarrassed that everybody else seemed to have it under control. And then I couldn't, like I just I couldn't say no to this, you know, and I was coping. But if you think about the word cope, it's to deal with successfully. I was not dealing successfully, right, Like filling up your LaCroix sparkling water with vodka is not successfully dealing with the stress and the problems you had. But that is ultimately where I got you know.

Speaker 2:

Through these depressive episodes I used alcohol more and more and that's where I ended up. I was doing what I felt was coping, but I was not dealing with the problems, which meant they just built up. Right, that was one of my biggest issues with alcohol is that I wasn't solving any issues. It let me feel a little bit more relaxed in this, in the present situation, but then I would be more anxious. The next day I didn't take any action on anything.

Speaker 2:

So it wasn't until really a dry January that I actually recognized I had a problem, Like I was hiding things from other people and in the turn, I was also hiding things for myself, right? If other people didn't know about it, then it wasn't really a problem. If I was getting promoted at work, then it wasn't a problem. If I wasn't getting DUIs, I wasn't. My relationship with my husband was fantastic, you know. My relationship with my friends was great. Like nobody knew I had a problem. So then I didn't have to admit that I had a problem.

Speaker 2:

It wasn't until I tried to dry January and I ended up drinking three times that month. But you know they didn't count Right, Like so one of those was just a really hard day at work and one of those situations was a friend's birthday. So, and one of those situations was a friend's birthday, so these things, they just didn't count right. And I tried it year after year, and only one year I was able to go all 31 days without drinking and I was miserable. I was thinking about alcohol every single day. For 31 days. I had a countdown on my phone until February 1st, Like I was obsessed and that, to me, signaled that this is a problem. Something has to change here, right? This cannot be how I spend the rest of my life.

Speaker 1:

Well, you use that word obsessed, right, and they talk about it being like an obsession of your mind, and you know, you know they talk about that in different 12 step recovery programs that you aren't essentially a part of.

Speaker 2:

But it being an obsession of your mind and then becoming like has to be completed out, you know, once you start that craving or you have to finish it, yeah, yeah, I mean, and the more you try not to think about it, the more you're thinking about it, right, like if I'm just like, okay, I'm just going to make it through, I'm again. I was counting down those days until I can think about it in February. So I'm counting down until I can think about it again. It was just, it was a mess, but even then, alcohol had such a tie on my life that I was not ready to take action. It wasn't for about 10, 11 more months that I was able to say, okay, enough is enough.

Speaker 2:

And, I'll be honest, there wasn't like a big point that got me there. There wasn't this rock bottom moment that I think happens with a lot of people where I said, okay, I'm done with this. I've had some moments in my life from overdoing it. That definitely should have been my rock bottom moment, but this wasn't it. I just I just got tired of it. I just was not willing to accept that this was my life anymore.

Speaker 2:

You know, I had these thoughts of like this seriously cannot be all there is, like can't be this boring. Like drinking every night at home is boring. Like watching Netflix and binging Netflix and going to the bars weekend after weekend. This is boring stuff. There's just so much more out there, but I didn't have the energy. I was too stressed and anxious to go do any of these other things, and so I just reached a point that I just couldn't do it anymore and I decided that I needed help. I had already tried for five plus years on my own to try to control my drinking. I've set every rule in the book. I have broken every rule in the book, and so I knew that this was not going to work on my own and that I needed to get support. That was just the only way.

Speaker 1:

Where did you reach out to for support? So, I worked.

Speaker 2:

Well, I only tried one thing and that's because nothing else made sense to me. So I wasn't going to go to rehab. Right, I was succeeding at work, I was getting promotions, I wasn't in legal trouble. Like to lock myself away for $50,000 in 30 days just didn't seem like. That was a proportional reaction to kind of where I was. And the AA model didn't appeal to me for a few reasons. One I'm not a religious person. Another is that I take issue with the word alcoholic. It's not a word that the medical community uses. It's not a label that I wanted to assign to myself. Right, For me, an alcoholic was a person who was on the side of the road drinking out of a paper bag, like really struggling.

Speaker 2:

And that wasn't me. I was. I was crushing it, as long as you didn't look behind closed doors. So that was not a method that I wanted to go either, and it was actually an ad that I saw for a coaching program. I didn't know that coaching was a thing outside of, like sports in high school, like it didn't. It wasn't something I was familiar with, and so I joined a group coaching program and it was actually so transformational that I decided that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I quit my job, I started my company. This was within actually within five months of the program, but within three months of the program I had already decided this is what I was going to do, and I took that leap a couple months later because it was just so incredible.

Speaker 2:

I think my only issue with that program was that it was a group program, which is how a lot of support happens in this area. Whether it is a 12 step program or rehab or coaching, it's often in a group, and I think groups can be fantastic, but they can be also very overwhelming if you're someone like me where there's a lot of shame around your behavior. Right, I was hiding how much I was drinking, because I was so embarrassed about how badly I needed this. And now I was about to walk into a virtual room, an online room, but regardless and admit, hi, that I have a problem, and this was overwhelming for me.

Speaker 2:

So when I joined, I used an alias at first and eventually got brave enough to use my own name, but it was too overwhelming to admit a huge group of people when I wasn't willing to admit it to myself. I wasn't willing to admit it to the person I had spent the last 10 years with. It was a big leap, and so the only miss I think I had in that program was that I really wish it had been one-on-one. It would have been less of like a kind of a leaf off of a bridge for me, and so that's what I wanted to be able to offer to people was that thing that I really wanted myself was just to have one person in my corner helping me change how I feel about alcohol, so that I could just stop thinking about it. I was so tired, so tired of thinking about it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so when you did enter that coaching, you got some support from a group, but was there like a leader, was there somebody who or was it just the group that kind of brought you to out of your relationship with alcohol? How did you eventually put it down?

Speaker 2:

So there were a couple of things. So there were several coaches in the group. It was it was a rather large group, so there were several coaches in the group. It was a rather large group, so there were several coaches in the group that were available to us whenever we had questions, and it was actually they were available every single day. It was also and this is, I think, where that group aspect can be beneficial.

Speaker 2:

But working with people who are struggling like I was, you know, I we are our own worst enemies, right? So we're constantly thinking about how we're terrible and the things we say to ourself are never the things we would say to other people. And so, being in that group, what it allowed me to do was to show compassion for myself by learning to show compassion for other people. Right, when they were struggling and saying, oh crap, I drank again, or this, this, that and the other happened, it was so easy for me to say like it's okay, you can do it. But then to myself, it was like what's wrong with you, right? So learning that element of compassion by surrounding yourself with people who are in that same boat can be very beneficial. And I think the most important part of that program is the mindset work, so it was a combination of videos and working with coaches, but it is dismantling the beliefs that we have about alcohol so that there's no more temptation.

Speaker 2:

Like one of the issues that one of the fears, let me say, that I had about joining a 12 step program, is that this is something I'm going to have to work on for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2:

Like once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, and I didn't want to do that. Like I don't have time for this. I wanted to be in done and move on with my life. And lo and behold, now I talk about alcohol for a living. But the idea was this is not something I want to work on forever, and so by learning the true keys of behavior change, which is focusing on the thoughts and feelings that are leading to your behaviors, first makes that behavior change effortless. If you start with a behavior, you're using willpower, and I didn't want to use willpower. I don't have willpower. There's a reason there's no chocolate in my house. Like I don't have strong willpower when it comes to things that I think that I want, and so what I wanted to do was remove that thought that alcohol was going to help me, and that's what that program really really worked on.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, that's great, and I mean I. However, there's so many different ways to get to this result right, and so you have to find what resonates, and what resonates for you. It may not resonate with somebody else or work for somebody else. So, you know, it's, it's great that you, you went in, you identified what, what didn't work for you, and then you kind of recreated that for other women. So what are? When you were talking in the in you know before about being depressed or, you know, having this like mental obsession and such, I could just feel like, well, this is going to be so freeing when she puts it down, because there's so much freedom to getting rid of a of a habit that is keeping us from living our real life, you know. And so what did that freedom feel like when you actually put alcohol down? Like what did you start experiencing on the daily that was real positive or just really grabbed your attention? Like this is something that I want and I am going to continue this.

Speaker 2:

That freedom for me really translated into self-confidence, which is something I've struggled with my whole life, right, I've struggled with my weight, I've struggled with being the not popular kid, so my self-confidence has always been kind of an issue for me. It's never really been my strong suit. And alcohol I didn't realize this, but was making it worse, right. Every single time I told myself I need a drink to socialize. Drinking makes me funnier. Drinking makes me more confident. What I'm saying is, I'm less than without it. I'm less confident, I'm less funny, I'm less sociable, I'm less than full stop, right. And so I, by separating myself from alcohol, I realized that you know what? I'm still pretty funny without alcohol. Like, I am still the life of the party as long as that party ends by 10 PM. Like I, like I like my sleep, right. So I, I was still that person that could be. You know that people appreciated being around. It wasn't the alcohol that they liked, it was me.

Speaker 2:

And I did something hard, right. I did something in my life I to be, to be Frank. I, like I said I was a straight, a student. Academics came very easily to me, right. So I didn't really have to struggle in school. But changing something like this meant that I had to actually do the work. So I've kind of pushed away things that I'm not naturally good at. I don't play sports. I recognize my strengths and I I choose to focus on the things that I'm naturally good at. Changing my behavior here Wasn't something I was naturally good at, but I did it and that meant that I was so much more powerful than I ever gave myself credit for Right.

Speaker 2:

So the the saying that I got from my group program it's just something I use all the time as just that I can do hard things.

Speaker 2:

You know, like it didn't matter what that hard thing was. Like I, I have a phobia of the dentist, hate a going to the dentist, and I could remember very vividly that first visit after I had, you know, kind of taken this, this action towards alcohol and I was like you know what I can do. Hard things Like if I can change something that I never thought I would change, I was convinced I would be drinking, you know, in the retirement center. Like I, alcohol is going to be part of my life forever. If I can do something like this, then yes, I can sit through a teeth cleaning or a filling or something like I can do hard things, and so that was that. Real freedom is that. You know what I don't need alcohol. I'm pretty darn awesome without it, and there's really no limit to what I can do. If I can change my life completely in a matter of months, then I mean the sky's the limit at this point.

Speaker 1:

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Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that transcends to like people in early, any kind of early sobriety. They're like wow and they want to drink and they their their body's telling them to drink, but they don't want to. It's like, you know, if you have to take it five minutes at a time, you know I recently didn't want to be going somewhere, that I have to go and I said gosh, and my friend of mine said hey, we can do anything for two hours and I thought, wow, yeah, I certainly can. You know I mean. And then that evidence I think each day did you find, like each day, alcohol free that you gained. It was like evidence that, wow, I can do this, I can watch Netflix without alcohol, I can go to this event without alcohol. Did you have any firsts that you remember that were specific?

Speaker 2:

I remember going to a birthday party of a friend of mine it's actually a friend of my husband, so I knew one person that was going to be there and I knew it was going to be walking into a room of strangers. And I think one thing working on my relationship with alcohol really taught me is to approach things with curiosity, right. So alcohol I was um, when I was drinking I was using it blindly, right, I didn't stop to think is this actually solving my problem? I just took it at face value that alcohol is going to make things better and just left it at that. And so, by changing my relationship with alcohol, I also developed this aspect of curiosity. You know, like I actually, after I quit drinking, I did drink again when I was falling back into depression and I was really mindful of it this time, like, is it actually helping me? And so I drank for a couple of days and I knew it wasn't helping. And then I put down the bottle, put on my tennis shoes and went for a walk and haven't picked it up since. I didn't need to get back on antidepressants. My depression kind of naturally coasted off after I built in that, that walking habit daily, but I didn't feel a need, I learned I approached it with eyes wide open, right.

Speaker 2:

So I did that same thing with that birthday party. It was like kind of turning it more into a game, like can I introduce myself to five people? Like I wonder what I'm going to take away from this party, just from going there, you know, and the worst thing that can happen is that I have a boring time, right, like it's not going to kill me. So, knowing those two things are like yes, I can get through, that, I can do anything for two hours, but also, just, you know, approaching things eyes wide open, like I really wonder what it is that I can take out of this, like what benefit can I get today from going there?

Speaker 2:

And you know, it's just it, just it's not, it just puts a different spin on things. It's not so where you're? I was a type of person who kind of came to these conclusions and didn't challenge them, and so I've started to challenge that belief. If I assumed it was going to be a boring party, then that would actually happen, right, that attitude that I had going in there. If I assumed that there was going to be something I could learn from it, something I could benefit, then that would be my reality as well. So just really kind of changing how I approach everything is one of the results that I've seen.

Speaker 1:

Wow, and being professional and in that world, do you notice now that you're not drinking? Do you notice things out in the world that are like alcohol-free, like any trends, any things that you think are helpful to people who are trying to live an alcohol-free lifestyle like yourself, that are helpful when you're going to events, when you're attending things?

Speaker 2:

that are helpful when you're going to events, when you're attending things. So I think this is actually one of the best times to start, let's say, the Explore, the Sober, curious movement, right? So when I tell people what I do, it's funny. A lot of people like to come to me to tell me like oh, I haven't had a drink in this long, or oh, you know, and they're just kind of proud of the changes that they've been making. You know, just unasked, they're just unsolicited and you know, now we have so many different options available to us, right? Like you know, this is gone are the days where your only non-alcoholic beverage was like a St Polly girl. There are tons of non-alcoholic beverages available if you want to still have something.

Speaker 2:

Because you know, one of the reasons for me that I wanted a drink was I wanted a treat. I wanted a drink was I wanted a treat. I wanted to treat myself to something. Right, I want to just have water or soda be my only two options. And when you look at that belief, I want to treat myself. I was saying I want to treat myself with poison. I want to treat myself with an enhanced risk of cancer. I want to treat myself with a raging headache and the inability to stick to my diet. Right, this is how I was treating myself. So what is a different treat? And I think there are so many fantastic options out there. Um, I've I've worked with people who are kind of afraid to try these beverages, thinking that it's going to, you know, snowball into you know, if I have an alcohol beer, then I'll want a regular beer even more.

Speaker 2:

But what I've found has been the complete opposite. Whereas before I would have a beer two, three, four, six, 10, however many but with that non-alcoholic beverage because I am not intoxicating myself, one is enough. I've gotten what I needed, I've gotten that flavor, I've gotten that treat and I have actually hydrated myself, and so I don't need more of that. So for me it's actually a more freeing option to be able to expand the ways that you can treat yourself without that kind of snowballing thing. But there are just some. There's some really fantastic options these days, and new things are popping up on the market like every day. It's really incredible.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So when people do, do you have? Can you talk a little bit about your decision to help people achieve what you achieve? Like, how did you get into? Hey, I'm going to do this for my professional work. Now, you know, having put it down yourself, yeah, it was.

Speaker 2:

It was kind of a I don't want to say a light bulb moment I don't know what the exact word is here, but it was I had just experienced such an incredible transformation. So when I joined that coaching program it was a three-month program and the premise of the program was that you, you would, we would all quit drinking latest like 60 days, and we would work on our beliefs first and then we work on the behavior. But I was, I had invested. I am that perfectionist, go get her straight A student. But I was, I had invested. I am that perfectionist, go getter straight A student. I was like I'm going to start on day one. And so day one I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore, while working on those beliefs and habits and by the end of it I mean honestly, I would say less than 60 days in I, my life, had been so transformed. By the end of the three months I was like I have to pass this forward because I had a little bit of cravings and urges in the very beginning. But that thought work and that mindset work and working with the coaches to open my eyes to the beliefs that I didn't even realize I had changed me so quickly that I just didn't even realize this was possible, right? So I love to read self-development books. I have a whole shelf actually to the left and to the in front of me, and the thing is, it's just not it wasn't taking action on it. This coaching was taking action. There is somebody right there in front of you that is helping you to see things that you've never, you know, really thought about before, and so I was just really amazed at the kind of transformation that I was able to make. Like I said, I expected this was going to be my path for the rest of my life, and so I I wanted to to switch paths.

Speaker 2:

I think one of the reasons that I was drinking so heavily was a lack of fulfillment in my career. I've changed careers several times. I'm a lawyer, I've worked at a big four accounting firm, I've spent five years in public libraries, in the public sector, and there was always that underlying lack of fulfillment there, like something was wrong. Everybody else seemed to have their careers figured out, you know, from a young age they knew exactly what they wanted to do and everything just kind of missed, and while I loved a part of my all of my jobs that I've done. I think what was really missing was kind of taking things under control and being responsible for the results that I have, right. And so that was something that was really appealing to me in starting my own business.

Speaker 2:

And I know I never would have done this any business. I'm I'm in coaching now, but I never would have started any business if I was still drinking, because alcohol kept me playing small. You know, I was. I was upset, clearly, in those other careers, but then I could just drink away that dissatisfaction instead of taking away or taking action on it, right. And so, um, yeah, that was a. That was a big change for me. It was really just no longer being able to squash that dissatisfaction and instead realizing that I have. If I want things to change, I have to, I have to be the change.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, excellent. I think you picked such a good career choice because your energy and like the inspiration that you push behind your words is so like on fire, like for what this is. So, so a lot of times, you know, people have this transformation and then that becomes like the, the thing that brought them down becomes the thing that is their biggest success. It's like incredible because and that life experience like that's invaluable Like you're educated, you've gone to schooling, you know you've had professional careers, but like the life experience of having gone through something and come out like better is invaluable to pass on to people. I think you know.

Speaker 1:

So I think what you're doing is incredible. Can you tell us a little bit about how to get in touch with you and what your work is? Is it one cause? You had mentioned one-on-one and I think, like you've, what I think is really important is that you'd, like you identified hey, this isn't working for me so futuristically when you put yours together, you left that component out and focused on one-on-one. Do you have one-on-one and then a community where people can talk to one another? Do you have one-on-one and then a community where people can talk to one another?

Speaker 2:

or do you just do coaching? So right now I am just doing a one-on-one coaching. It's that component that, like you said, that was really missing in, or at least seemed to me like was really missing. It was something that I really wanted. You know, I hated group work growing up in classes, like, there's always that one person that wants to just talk the whole time or distract everybody. And this is focused attention on you, right, and that's what I wanted. I had stuff to do, I had goals I don't have time to be messing around and so I wanted to offer one-on-one coaching for the people that they just wanted focused attention so they could move forward at the best pace that they can that they can have. So, um, that's what I'm working on.

Speaker 2:

I don't have the community aspect. I think there's a lot of communities out there. You know, if you're just on Facebook, there's free communities. I don't need to build something for you to join. I think your world naturally broadens when you let go of alcohol. You know we are identical and I never would have met her if I hadn't been on this new path. So your world is gonna naturally expand anyway. But that private coaching, that initial hands-on, unlimited support, is what was really key for me, and so that's something I mean. It's more. There's more on my website that you can learn more about it, which is just my name, marciarossicom, but about it, which is just my name, marcirossicom, but that is my meat and potatoes, or whatever they say is that one-on-one aspect?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so do you. I'm just curious, like for your family life, like I know sometimes when people like I had said my previous guests spoke about being raised in an alcoholic home. So there was exposure. She did not have any trouble with alcohol whatsoever, but the trickle-down effect from having a dad who was alcoholic kind of placed identities on each of the child. They kind of survived within their own house and then forged into adults with that on them until they healed themselves. So was there anything like growing up that maybe exposed you to alcohol as a coping mechanism early, or is it something you just picked up along the way as an adult?

Speaker 2:

So I I think it's a couple, a couple things. So, um, I was exposed to alcohol really early as a child, when, you know, wine was just kind of something for dinner. Yeah, my, my mom and her friends. When they would get together they would have wine. And so that was how you socialize to me. It wasn't necessarily that my parents drank heavily. My dad very rarely drinks anything at all and if he does he gets an immediate headache and has to stop. But you know, for my mom, it was seeing her when she was with her girlfriends having that wine and me associating those. As you know, this is how you socialize.

Speaker 2:

There's also messages everywhere, right, like everywhere it's telling us you have to drink. There's all the commercials, there's the mommy wine culture, which you know seems so cute and fun, but really it's coming from the alcohol industry, telling you that women need wine, um, in order to cope. And there's a I can go on a whole spiel on that, I'll save you that but um, there's a. There's some really targeted messaging about women.

Speaker 2:

Um, just going back to that family influence, I think it's important to recognize that we're in the driver's seat here and just taking responsibility for our own actions, because you gave the example of a person growing up whose dad's an alcoholic and they don't drink, and you could also do it the exact same way in the other direction.

Speaker 2:

So if you've given that model, you can say, well, my dad was an alcoholic, that's why I'm an alcoholic, that's what I learned. Or you could say, well, my dad was an alcoholic and I don't want to be anything like that and that's why I never touch it. So in either case, you were exposed to this alcoholic right there in your family, and you can either use that as an excuse to continue behavior that you don't want to continue, or to continue behavior that you don't want to continue, or you can use that as a model of what you don't want in your life. And either way, it's up to you. You get to make the choice here, and I think that's actually a really freeing proposition that it doesn't matter what the messages are in society, what your friends are doing, what your parents did, x, y, z it's up to you. You get to choose. It's up to you.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and like a lot of your, it's up to you. Yes, and like a lot of your, um, any exposure that you seem to have when you were younger was, was positive. So, and then, like as an adult, sure, there's messaging, there's marketing, and I think too it's it's important to note right, alcohol affects everyone differently. So, whether you're exposed to it in a positive way or a negative way, when you go to pick it up of age, it may hit you different, and so that may be a real depressant for some person. It may be, you know, a real um, what's the word I'm trying to find? Like when, when they drink, they're just completely outgoing and they're having such a great time, you know, and then there's this crash.

Speaker 1:

It's different for everyone. So if it's not working, you're saying you're in the driver's seat, you can get, get off anytime you want. Um, you know everyone's bottom is gonna look different. It doesn't have to be like real low, you can still be getting promoted at work, you know, still having thriving relationships. But you know individually, like, hey, I don't want to do this anymore. And you didn, didn't? You made a change.

Speaker 1:

So I think your, your perspective on it is really empowering for people to take the initiative themselves and to not place blame or shame and live in that, but to say, hey, I can make a change, it's it's my choice, and then provide the support that it's going to need, cause it it does. It does require, um, I think, help, you know, especially if somebody has been doing it for a long time or just depending on you know from from where you are with it. You know, I think everybody's individually different, like you know what I mean. Like some people are they talk about gray area drinking or sober curious, and some people talk about the, the true nature of being alcoholic. You know, and I think all of those carry their own weight and everybody has to come to what they want to on their own. You know, do you? Do you agree?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely I, you know it's that. It's that making that decision for yourself, right, you don't have to hit that rock bottom. You can just decide that you want something better for your life and, yes, it may require support, it may not. I know of people who decided to take that you know, dry January and they felt so good that they just continued on with it. And that wasn't my experience. It was not feeling so great for that month.

Speaker 2:

That made me realize I needed to make a change.

Speaker 2:

But you know it's scary to admit that you need help, especially for someone who is as independent as I am. You know to say that I need help and that I have a problem is really uncomfortable, but so is knowing you have a problem and not doing anything about it. So is wasting your life away. It's also really uncomfortable to spend a day or two hung over, like there's a lot of pain kind of on both sides. But knowing that you can choose to be uncomfortable for a short amount of time and then spend the rest of your life in freedom, versus being uncomfortable forever and just trying to escape that discomfort, knowing that it's never going away. You're just putting a bandaid on pain. Those are kind of the two options there. So yes, it can be uncomfortable to ask for help, but it can also be really uncomfortable to spend the rest of your life not knowing that freedom. That comes with never needing a drink, just simply not needing it, not thinking about it, not worrying about it, ever trying not to drink.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah and excellent points. And also, you know you had talked about, you know you put the work in and I think, with anything I mean I know for myself, um, I don't know if you agree or not, but when you like, if I put work into something, I'm less likely to give that up easily. You know, if I didn't put work into my own sobriety, then if a temptation came, I would probably consider it or have an easy time, like you know, having it be like a proposition, like yeah, okay, I'm going to walk away from this, but because I too put in a lot of work to my sobriety, there's no way I was going to walk away from it and do that all over again. Like I mean, so there's really something to that, that personal growth work, that that's needed to just kind of get you to the next level so that you can live out the best version of yourself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, and along that side of putting in the work is also investing in yourself, right, like, if I'm going to invest in something, I'm going to give it my all. I have those personal development books, like I said, on my, my bookshelf, where I get them from the library, and if I get them from the library it's free, and so I'm not as committed to it. But when I put my money where my mouth is and say I'm going to try this and I'm going to invest, whatever the investment is for, whatever the project is, I'm going to commit because I want to get my money's worth, right Like I I do not like throwing away my dollars, and so, uh, really having that investment in yourself is committing to taking action. Um, I think that can be a really important factor as well.

Speaker 1:

Sure, yeah, absolutely. Is there anything you can say to somebody before we, to listeners, before we end, um, who are considering becoming alcohol free, who are curious about that lifestyle, and just you know? Just some encouragement for them to begin, cause that's the difficult part to take that step in that direction, to see if it's for them.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely so. I think the first thing is that this isn't an either or situation. It's not like, if you decide to try this, that you can never drink again. I actually don't say myself that I'll never drink again. I think that's a promise that I can't. I can't predict the future, but what I can say is I drink as much or as little as I want. I don't want to drink right now. I have absolutely no desire and that is an absolute possibility for anyone listening to this that you can reach that point where you literally never think about alcohol.

Speaker 2:

The other thing that I think is super crucial that if you take one thing away from this that I want you to know is that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I'm absolutely certain of this. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do hard things. I think the human spirit is incredible, and if we look for examples of people doing incredible things, then I guarantee you can do them too, no matter what situation you find yourself in, and it doesn't mean this has going to be necessarily a really hard thing. You may find it a lot easier.

Speaker 2:

Like I've said, I've worked with people who they just approach this as an experiment and feel so good that they continue on. Or there's people on the other side of the spectrum, like me, where it was. It was kind of a struggle at first and I've found complete freedom, but approaching it with curiosity, just seeing what happens. What happens if you go to a party and you don't drink. You know what happens if you spend a Friday night without alcohol, like you can just play with it. You know it doesn't have to be an either or a lifelong decision. It's approaching things with curiosity and and recognizing the strength that you truly have.

Speaker 1:

Good message. So where can listeners find you throughout the week and also if they want to reach out?

Speaker 2:

So I am on social everywhere, at coach Mars, excuse me, coach Marcy.

Speaker 1:

Rossi.

Speaker 2:

I know how to say. My own name and I'm on my website is Marcyrossicom. For anything, reach out on Instagram. I love to chat with people. I love building new connections here. If you have any questions at all, I'm always free to chat.

Speaker 1:

Wow, Thank you so much for being on the show today. Excellent insights, completely inspirational and and I love the freedom you found in your own life- Thank you so much, jessica, I appreciate it in your own life. Thank you, soastephanoviccom.